Relationships are fascinating, awesome and exciting. However, they can be stressful when we do not understand the process. In early childhood, a child begins to form concepts of the people they want to spend time with. As the child moves into puberty, their concept broadens with more evolved ideas of friendship and what they want out of life, especially in relationships.
When we enter the realm of relationships, we imagine/dream of the person we wish to engage in a deeper more intimate relationship, based on our earlier experiences and societal images. The concept that we need to look for someone to be our other half, provides the biggest clue as to why relationships can be stressful. For example, if a person has issues around money, they may unconsciously look for someone who they think will be able to provide a stable financial base for them, yet not recognise their hidden agenda.
In relationships we are often attracted to someone who we believe will complement the aspects of our personalities which we do not have, not realising that we need to have those qualities ourselves, in order to experience an EQUAL relationship. It is actually a form of arrogance to expect another person to provide what you are not willing to provide for yourself. In other words, if you are not financially independent then to expect someone else to provide that aspect is not balanced or equal. What happens is that the “Rod of Relationship”, covered in ‘When Love Walks out the Door’, cannot maintain balance and one or the other will slip into their “Stuff” and either resentment, victim or controlling behaviours can result.
Our relationships flounder because we do not receive any formal education on the most important aspect of life. We are expected to understand how relationships work and, frankly, few do.
This is what the ‘Freedom to Be’ process is about: education, support and, most of all, healing the issues that prevent us from experiencing happy, healthy and equal relationships with ourselves and with our partners, and ultimately with others.
To experience happy, healthy and equal relationships we need to move our awareness from ‘What about Me?’ to understanding and accepting that the buck stops right at our own door. Heal thyself and our relationships heal. Not the other way around.
We cannot change another person – only they can do that. If we react to something our partner does, then we need to look within to see where that characteristic or that issue is within ourselves. Heal that aspect and it is no longer in our face via another person’s behaviour. The power is with us … and that is the best news in a long time. No longer are our lives at the mercy of another … we can change the one we love – OURSELVES.